Posted in Personal Development

Working is not the problem

Let me start by saying that I am a very motivated individual. I am organized to a point that drives others insane. I work hard and when I am doing something, I go above and beyond to be the best at it.

But, I get bored easily.

Call Center. I did that for over 10 years. At one company, I was promoted from the bottom to running my own department in less than 6 months.

I got bored and quit.

Healthcare. I worked as a Certified Medical Assistant for 5 years in 4 different positions. After a year I got bored, figured it was because of the position and moved to a different one. Finally, I realized that the career itself was boring me to no end. I was great at it, but miserable.

Real Estate. I’ve been in real estate for a year now. In my first year, I had 23 transactions. Great, right? Well, now I’m bored. I am interviewing to leave the field.

Insurance. I recently got my health and life insurance license, in hopes of transitioning out of real estate. I signed up to be an independent agent with a few carriers. I’ve been studying my behind off, haven’t had the money needed to market my business, so I haven’t sold even one policy yet. I’m already bored.

I have three interviews next week.

First interview is for a Medical Assistant position.

Second interview is for a Captive Life Insurance Agent position.

Third interview is for an employee status Real Estate Agent position.

I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t want to do any of that.

I don’t know what I want to do.

I looked up the best careers for people with Schizoaffective disorder and found that the problem is that I should look for careers where I don’t have a lot of contact with people. I would do best in jobs like Librarian and virtual assistant. So, I guess that’s why these things aren’t working out.

I don’t know what to do, but I don’t see myself being a Librarian.

I always dreamed of being an Author. I’ve even self published four books, but I haven’t had time to write in quite some time. When I was on the psych meds, they really did a number on my creativity and even after stopping them, I’ve had trouble writing.

Still, the writing did not pay the bills and I have to find something that I can do full time without feeling like I want to pull my hair out.

In the meantime, I’m interviewing for jobs I really don’t want.

Posted in Thoughts

SchizoAffective

Sometimes I look at other people and wonder what makes their way of thinking is more sane than my own. Sure, a therapist told me that I suffer from a mental disorder, but maybe so does everyone else. I mean, there are many people who walk around without knowing they have a disorder. Maybe, just maybe, we all have our own disorders and I was just one of the ones who went to get the name of my mental illness.

Schizoaffective disorder.

That’s the name they gave me for the way that I think.

It couldn’t just be that I’m different. An individual with my own way of thinking. No, there’s a name and not only does it have a name, but it is a combination of two disorders.

Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder.

Isn’t that great. Not only do I have one name for my mental illness, but two. Good thing they were nice enough to combine it into one easy to pronounce, though less easy to explain to the masses, word.

I feel so special.

The therapist told me that everything from my lack of sympathy and empathy to my need to be overly honest with everyone, is apart of my disorder.

So, apparently, I’m supposed to care about things and people. I honestly didn’t know that people did that, but apparently they do.

I also shouldn’t be too honest with people. So, people like being lied to? Sorry, I can’t do that.

So, here I am, with a label being told that everything my personality is a result of a disorder.

Don’t get me wrong, there was a reason I finally went to a therapist.

I finally realized that maybe, just maybe, the shadow in the corner of my room every night and the multiple voices in my head probably shouldn’t be there. I never brought them up to anyone, because I knew that they were a figment of my imagination, but I finally had enough and thought that maybe I needed some professional help.

I am sane enough to know that there may be some issues that need to be addressed, but the therapist took a whole different route after the initial questionnaire that she asked me to complete.

So, I officially have a diagnosis, but I am not taking meds or seeing a therapist….I will get into that another day.

Thanks for reading,

FullBlownSchizo